In May my mom and my sweet friend Bethany threw me the most beautiful baby shower to celebrate our boy. Andy and I are so spoiled with the best family and friends ever, seriously, and it was such a great afternoon with some of my favourite ladies from near and far. My mom worked so hard to put together a totally personalized version of Cranium (Kiranium) as a surprise for everyone to play, complete with trivia about me as a baby, pictionary, singing, and reaching blindly into mystery boxes. It was the best. Bethy made everything look amazing as usual and our little guy was showered with love. I couldn't have asked for anything more. My wonderful generous friend Elissa so kindly took photos of the day and I'm happy to share them here! This little boy is so loved.

More photos after the jump...

30 Weeks

Last week we found out our boy had flipped from his previously super low, head down position to head up. That would explain all the hard poking protrusions that've been happening around my belly button the last little while! Our midwife is not at all concerned; it's still early, but I've become preoccupied with getting him to flip back. I've done forward leaning inversions, breech tilts, knee to chest, child's pose--all the exercises. I'm trying not to let worry overtake me, but I want the best for him, obviously. After a few days of research I started feeling bad that something I'd done had caused him to be breech, like holding the baby on my hip at work, standing for too long during the day or having bad posture, not sitting with my knees low all the time...any old thing. Andy has been so sweet through all of it. He reminds me that it's not a big deal right now, it's not my fault, I'm trying my best to help him switch back and if he doesn't, we'll figure that out when the time comes. He's been saying this is a great first lesson in parenting: you can't (and shouldn't) control your child. So, sweet boy, here's my promise to let you do your own thing for a while longer and try not to worry in the meantime. 

With less than 10 weeks to go now, I've started to think more about my upcoming labour. It is scary and intimidating to be staring down the barrel of an experience I know is so intense, long, physically taxing and painful. That preconception is a pretty big hurdle for pregnant women to overcome, I think. I believe that my body can do it, just as it's grown our boy so well so far without my input. Mentally I think there's some things to work through for myself. Having had 7 kidney stone attacks requiring narcotics to control, I feel wary about birthing a human head when tiny stones have given me so much grief. At the same time, even my midwives have expressed that passing kidney stones is worse than labour, so I feel maybe a little reassured that I've done a "harder" version 7 times, and without the reward of a newborn baby at the finish line. Part of me doesn't believe it's more painful, though. (How can it be? Maybe they just started saying that to make us feel better when we're crying and moaning and writhing around because something 3mm wide is trying to exit our bodies.) Our boy being breech for the time being has also brought up some feelings about c-sections I didn't anticipate. 

All in all, lots of thinking and reading going on here, and I'm feeling ready to prepare more for labour. We are really getting to the home stretch now! I'm so beyond excited to finally see and kiss your face, little guy. My little love.

THIRD TRIMESTER

I am 28 weeks now which means we're in the home stretch, little guy. I'm trying to remember and write down all the things that are changing as the weeks go by. My belly button is still half in, half out—will it ever pop? It's funny to think back only 10 weeks ago when your movements were so subtle I had to lie really still on my back to even know for sure if I was feeling them. Now I feel you all day long no matter what I'm doing, your back always wiggling right under my belly button. Your body is big and you make waves under my skin and sometimes you freak me out but mostly I love it and feel fascinated with you. You're funny already.

I'm dreaming a lot about what kind of life you'll have, and what kind of life your dad and I can provide for you. We know we won't have a lot and that feels a little scary, especially right now, but we'll always have each other, our family, and we'll always work our hardest and do our very best to provide opportunities for you to grow into an empathetic, creative and generous man.

What will you be like when you're here? I pray you are peaceful. Wide-eyed. Full of laughter and a heart for others. Sweet boy, you're already our greatest achievement and biggest joy.

25 Weeks

I've been pregnant for six months! Our little guy has a crib, a mountain of adorable hand-me-down onesies and a name that we use constantly. I'm positive one of us is going to accidentally spill the beans before he's born because we talk about him like he's here already, and ironically it will probably be me, the one most intent on keeping it a secret. His little appendages are starting to poke out all the time and it seems like he miiiight be starting to run out of room already with the way he karate chops me all day long and is always sticking his bum and back out. I've become preoccupied with figuring out what position he's in and what exactly is poking me. I'm not very good at it yet and Andy makes fun of me because I'm always wondering aloud where his head is. I guess I sound crazed. At our scans he has been low and head down already, but he wriggles non-stop and I guess when there's a crazy alien making waves beneath your skin maybe it's a bit natural to seriously wonder what body part is doing what specifically.

Symptom-wise, I've had little to complain about this second trimester. The last few weeks I've been waking up every morning with bad lower back pain, but it's better now that Andy is home and can massage it away. My bladder is being used as the little one's pillow so I'm constantly on the verge of peeing my pants and have to know where the bathrooms are in every public space. Compared to some of the other women in our prenatal class though, I'm living in paradise. I feel very lucky!

Last week Andy got home from his third tour in a row and we went on a mini babymoon/birthday getaway to the Sunshine Coast. We had the best time. We don't go away just the two of us very often and it was so special to hole away for two days in our little rented A-frame cabin watching movies, playing yahtzee, eating spaghetti and going for hikes. I loved it so much. Time is really flying and it feels good to make the most of our relative freedoms and nurture our connection and relationship as we prepare for so many big changes. Feeling so grateful.

23 Weeks

Not much new this week! I'm suddenly huge, especially in pictures. I'm growing straight out rather than to the sides so I ain't mad. Actually I'm excited to start being obvious to strangers and for him to keep getting bigger. It's fascinating. In regular life I still feel like myself and often forget I'm pregnant until the little guy starts dancing. He dances a lot. I am a broken record about this, but I think it's so cool. I have a feeling he's going to be a little fidgeter like his dad. 

I can't believe it's almost March. That means it will soon be only 3 and a half-ish months until I birth a baby into this world. We are cherishing these last months as a wee family of two and don't want to wish them away, but we are feeling more and more ready for you, sweet boy. Keep growing big and strong.

IT'S A BOY!

22 weeks and feeling kind of huge!

The weeks are flying by now; everything has been so busy lately and shot through with excitement. I like to plan ahead so we've already made a lot of changes to our second bedroom to get it ready for its new lodger, and it's sinking in more every time I look at myself in the mirror and feel little nudges while I'm doing dishes. We're having a BABY. Those nudges are one of my new favourite feelings in the whole world. He is a really active little guy and loves to greet us in the morning with huge bumps and kicks. He gets tired after I eat but is usually moving the rest of the day. I love feeling him bop around in there.

I can't believe we are having a BOY! I had a secret hunch that wasn't very strong, but more a niggling in the back of my mind. My whole life I pictured having a girl first, but a month or two ago I started to get the feeling that maybe what we think we want isn't always what we need or what's right or what's best for us. I think I've just had an irrational idea that since I grew up a girl, I know a little better how to raise a girl. Maybe it's fear; I don't know. Truthfully I expected to feel a tiny bit disappointed for a moment upon finding out, if it turned out to be a boy after all—but all my worries were for nothing. At first I mainly just felt like laughing! He made himself super obvious at our ultrasound and it was shocking and funny in the best way. Right after I didn't feel anything but SURPRISED and so, so excited. Over the moon elated. Right after that I got a stomach virus and spent a few days in bed. At the same time he started kicking and rolling with more intensity and Andy was able to feel him kick for the first time while I was confined to bed recovering. Those moments are magic in my memories. It's really special to know a bit more about who's in there and feel like we're bonding even more in real ways. We've started thinking about names (I think we've chosen!) and picturing what he'll be like when he's here. We think he already looks pretty cute. We're enamoured.

It still feels surreal to say 'he'! Pretty much everyone we know has girls. I keep saying someone has to break the cycle with each pregnancy announcement but I've been wrong every time for years. I guess I was right though—it was us!

I am really, really excited. I'm going to be a mama to a sweet, sensitive, silly little boy—just like his daddy. Oh, I just can't wait. I never dared to think that would be me but now nothing else seems right at all.

20 Weeks + Gender Guesses

Sorry, friends. I have a confession. I've kind of become obsessed with my stomach. How is it expanding so much? Where is all the new skin coming from? When will it become obvious to strangers? How long will my clothes still fit? I have so many questions. It still feels like my regular ol' belly, except when the little one is bopping me on the inside, which is finally happening with regularity and force! Maybe that's why I'm a little obsessed. Last night I had my hand resting on my stomach as I fell asleep and I felt it from the outside for the first time. What a crazy, crazy feeling. There's a HUMAN inside my body. What?!



Suddenly, we are at the halfway mark! 20ish more weeks to go—long and short all at the same time! The second trimester has been treating me very well so far. I'm not so tired and am feeling like myself, only more confident. I keep talking to women who are in their third trimesters and they all get this wistful look in their eyes when they think about the second. So, I'm trying to savour it! I have been craving ice cream like an out-of-this-world amount. I think about it almost all day. I'm not experiencing any nonsensical aversions anymore and can happily cook again, so I'm fine with having ice cream brain for a while.

Tomorrow we have our anatomy ultrasound(!) and I am so excited just to see our baby looking human and moving all its limbs. This will be Andy's first time seeing it at all, so I'm guessing it's going to be a special time. Hoping and praying that everything is good and healthy and right on track, and that he or she will cooperate so our midwife can tell us the gender later this week so we can stop calling it 'it'! I'm keeping a tally of friends' guesses and am soooo intrigued to find out which it will be. I am undecided. What do you think?

Keep growing big and strong, little one. We love you so much.